


The brave one

by Firerose17



Category: DreamWorks Dragons (Cartoon), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Parenting, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Regret, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Trauma, friendship bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26601940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firerose17/pseuds/Firerose17
Summary: Tuffnut always thought his sister was the braver one and when he suddenly is left in a world without her he needs to learn how to be brave aswell.
Relationships: Astrid & Fishlegs & Hiccup & Ruffnut & Snotlout & Tuffnut, Ruffnut Thorston & Tuffnut Thorston
Comments: 13
Kudos: 11





	1. The cruel reality

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Grey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26605726) by [CosMoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosMoe/pseuds/CosMoe). 



"R..Ruff?" Tuffs voice was barely a whisper. The excitement he had felt only seconds ago was replaced by a a feeling of dread.Ruff was tied to a pole infont of him but that was no surprise.He had heard Viggo telling Ryker to bring her here and that was the reason he was here too.The thing that surprised him and that his mind refused to process was the blood that came from her throat and that was spilled over her tunic. He suddenly heard shouting and knew that the hunters were coming for him.He needed to run but first he had to save his sister. He wouldnt leave her here badly injured and at the hunters mercy.He refused to believe the horrible truth that clearly was infront of him.Ruffnut couldnt be dead.She would never leave him and she was way to strong to be killed.

"Ruff! Ruff! sis please wake up we have to get out of here!" Tuff shouted desperatly as he pulled at his sisters ropes and shook her shoulders. He ignored the limbless feeling of her body and her lowered head.He did not want to notice it.The shouting got closer and Tuff quickly put his hand under Ruffs chin and held her head up.He expected to see her closed eyes.A clear sign that she was unconcsiouss which would make the cold feeling of dread in the back of his mind dissapear.

Instead he saw two empty eyes starring through him as if he was nothing. 

Tuffs mind shut down.The world around him suddenly started to vanish and a dragons talon seemed pierce itself into his heart.His mace that he had held dropped to ground and the air was ripped from his lungs.He desperatly tried to breath but he couldnt.The only thing that he could to was look at his sister as cold realization struck him.

They had killed her.

She was dead.

Ruffnut was dead.

The thought repeated itself over and over again in his mind but he wasnt able to process it.

Ruff had been there his entire life.She had annoyed him .Cared for him.protected him.She had let him sleep in her bed when he was scared of the dark again.She had cheered him up when their father called him stupid again.She couldnt be gone so suddenly.

Strong hands ripped him away from Ruff.Panic made his heart pound fastly."No! Let me go!Ruff! Please! help me ! Please!" Ruff did not respond to his beggs but the hunters did.Cruel laughter came from the men that felt pleasure in Tuffs agony.One of them held his harms behind his back while the other grapped the plan Tuff had found from his tunic.Tuff yelled in protest which turned into sobbs when the hunters tied him to the pole so his back was turned to his sister.The feeling of her cold body made him cringe.The robbes did not give in to his attempts to get free and so stopped. It didnt matter anyway if he was free or not.Nothing mattered without Ruff.

His friends screams of horror seemed to come from far away just like the water that was threathening to drown him.His tears were still falling and he almost hoped to be drowned.He knew how cruel I was for him to wish for a death infront of his friends but he wanted to be with Ruff.The real Ruff not this cold unmoving person that he was tied up with.He closed his eyes unable to handle this whole situation and the hands that were suddenly touching him. He somehow felt that he couldnt move even when his ropes were cut .He couldnt even respond to the two figures that he could barely see through his tears. Tuff was only able to sobb and he felt so dizzy that he could barely think.He closed his eyes to shut of the lout dragonroars and shouts.He felt that he was pulled on a dragonsback but he still couldnt do anything.So kept his eyes closed and tried to dream himself away to another reality.A reality were Ruff was alive.

The other dragonriders could not dream themselves away.They were forced to stay in this cruel reality to survive even tho they felt like they were dying already.

The image of Ruffs in blood covered throat already burned itself into their brains and Tuffs quiet sobbs rang in their ears.They wanted to cry with him but they knew that this was no time to mourn.

Fishlegs and Snotlout who had spotted the twins first were physicaly trembling.Snotlout held a delierious Tuff infront of him and Tuff was in fact the only reason that kept Snotlout from atacking the hunters in a blind rage.He wanted to take their lifes without mercy like they took Ruffs but the desire to keep Tuff out of harms way was stronger and so he dodged the hunter arrows and looked for a way to escape.

Fishlegs felt his body shaking as he was overtaken by nausea and sorrow. He could feel Ruffs blood sticking on his hands as he gently held her in his arms.He refused to look at her knowing that if he did he would loose any controll over his body.He had never had a problem with seeing blood even people with mortal wounds despie his weak stomach.But he had a problem with carrying the bleeding corpse of one of his best friends. 

Astrid had no idea why she was so calm.Her best friend was killed brutally and no matter what negative feelings Astrid sometimes had felt towards Ruff she cared about her alot.She should be furyious or atleast shaken up but instead she was calm.It was actually a similiar feeling to the one she had felt at her uncles sea burial were she had comforted her crying litle cousin.She figured that it was the desire comfort the people close to her.The desire to help them with their grief before she allowed herself to grief aswell.

The water was rising fastly and just as the riders seemed to finaly gain the upperhand over the hunters iron chains were placed above them.

"I didnt expect you to make this so easy for me Hiccup. I thought you were a better player but if you are so desperate to loose its no problem for me."Viggos amused voice cut into Hiccups heart like a dagger.He had been in a trance that his mind created to keep him from breaking down.Ruffs death had been pushed back into his mind so he could concentrate on protecting his other friends. Viggos voice brought it all back to him and ripped him out of his trance.Hiccup hated how Viggo could controll him so easily but he still turned his head towards him.

He wished he hadnt. Viggo and Ryker were standing above them next to the iron chains.Viggo was holding his sword in his right hand and Hiccups mind froze when he saw the blood, _Ruffs blood,_ that covered it.

Burning hatred like Hiccup had never felt it before rushed through his veins.What had he ever done to Viggo that made him so obssessed with "beating him"?Why did he deciede to kill Ruff who never played a significant role in the war against him?

Because he wanted to see Hiccup suffer and the best way to do that was to harm or even kill someone Hiccup loved.That was the reason he blocked Berks traiding ways after taking its gold and the reason he nearly killed Astrid with a disease.Hiccup had already been sick of Viggos games after he got nearly drowned but killing one of Hiccups riders, and seperating the the twins was the last straw. 

"This not some fucking game! You murdered Ruffnut and I swear to the goods that I will make you pay. So come down here if you are so confident!" Snotlout shouted the words that had layed on Hiccups toungue.He felt a mixture of pride and sadness towards his cousin rising in him.Pride because Snotlout was so fearles and sadness because his voice was fulll of agony.

"Im deeply sorry that I had to kill her but she told me to do it so I did."Viggo smirked when he said those words as if he knew something that Hiccup and the others did not.

Hiccup did not want to know what he was talking about but he had a suspicion. One that overwhelmed him with guilt."Hiccup! we need to get out of here now."Astrid ripped him out of his thoughts and he realized that the chains were dangerously close now.The water had almost reached them now.

Hiccup realized with anger that Viggos conversation with them had been a distraction.He had used their sorrow to distract them from the deathrap that they were in.Hiccups eyes wandered to Snotlout and Tuff.Tuff had stopped sobbing but his shaking body revaled that he was still with them.Hiccup felt a strong feeling of determination.He would get Tuff out of here.He wouldnt loose another one of his friends.

Hiccup shouted to his friends to blast their dragons fire against the chains.The tests to break the chains had never worked before but the dragons seemed to be just as stressed as their riders and so they put more power into their blasts.The final blow was delivered by Barf and Belch who had flown close to hookfang.The dragon knew that one of his riders died so he had wanted to atleast protec the other one.Normaly he would need the twins commands to blast correctly but this time he managed to do it without them.The blast broke the chains and finaly gave a way into freedom.The riders immadiatly shot towards the night sky and away from the hunter base.

No hunters followed them and Hiccup wasnt surpried.Why would Viggo try to kill them when he knew that he had broken them.

After a few minutes of flying they landed on a small island.They were all to exhausted and in schock to keep going and none of them wanted to see the edge right now knowing one of them would was gone.

Fishlegs landed first.He carefully laid Ruffnut on the ground and walked a few feet away from her.Then he fell to his knees and threw up.Sobbs forced their way up his throat between his vomiting and Fishlegs wasnt sure how he was still able to breathe.

Tuff wa as thankful for Sntlout.He had been scared that he would let go of him once they landed but instead Snotlout countinued to hold him and once they sat on the ground he let Tuff lean against his chest.Their dragons laid down behind them so they could lean on them.

Tuff hadnt followed anything that happened but he got one thing: Viggo had killed his sister.He had run her throat through with his sword while Tuff was trying to find a mace.Deep shame let more tears stream down his cheeks.He had let Ruff down.He had abandoned her for his own selfish reason.He always knew that he was different.He cared for object and chicken as much as for his friends.He had never cared about it because that was just who he was and it did not harm anyone but now...."Its alright Tuff. Im here for you, I will always be there for you." Snotlouts voice sounded strangely soft in Tuffs ears.He was once again greatful for his friend and wanted to thank him but his voice let him down."We all will Tuff I...we owe that to Ruff."Hiccups voice sounded like he was close to crying.Tuff slighly moved his head away from Snotlouts chest to look at him. Hiccup was the only one of them who wasnt sitting.He was standing close to Tuff his hands balled to fists with an expression of pure devastation on his face.Tuff hated seeing Hiccup like this. He was their perfect fearless leader.He wasn't supposed to look this weak and broken.

Tuff looked at his other friends.Astrid smiled at him reassuringly but she looked a little unsure as if she didnt know what to say.Tuff started to feel a little bit better at his friends support."Thanks" Was the only word he was able to choke out before his eyes fell on Fishlegs who was crying heavily and Ruff.He got overwhelmed by fear and buried his head in Snotlouts chest again. He did not want to see her.He did not want to see her expressioness face that confirmed that she would never smile again.He did not want to look into her blue eyes that had lost their missciuos spark. Maybe he would be ready in a few hours.Tuff knew that sooner or later he would be drawn to her.She was still his twin after all and he still felt conected to her even tho she was dead.But for now he felt safer on Snotlouts chest.

"We have to go to Berk." Fishlegs said in a horase voice and Tuffs heart ached with guilt as he realized what going to Berk meant.

His parents would find out that their daughter was dead.Tuff could almost see his mother collapsing on the ground while his father demanded to know who was responsible for Ruffs death so he could chop them to pieces with his axe.Ruff had been his fathers favourite as she was in his opinion everything that Tuff wasnt.Tuff had never had a close relationship with his father but he still did not want him to feel the pain of loosing a child and the fact that Tuff was partly reason for this loss defenetly wouldnt help.Tuff almost felt tempted to begg his friends not to go but he knew how selfish that would be.His mother would need him and he needed her.

"Yea I don think I can ever go back to the edge anyway."Snotlout once again said what they were all thinking.Tuff realized that his friends were looking at him waiting for his answer because he was the one who had to return to his parents with his dead sister.Tuff gave a weak nodd in agreement."We can fly tomorrow I dont think flying is a very good idea right now."Astrid said after a while and her eyes were locked with Tuffs and he felt greatful that she did not push them to move again."Thanks you guys...thanks for...caring for me."

He knew that his words were unecassary but they deserved them.They had to be just as shaken up as he was and yet they still comforted him."Of course you are our best friend muttonhead." Snotlout said there was a trace of amusement in his sad voice.Fishlegs went over to the two and put a hand on Tuffs shoulder."It is like Hiccup said Ruff would want us to care for you." Tears were forming in Fishlegs eyes when he said Ruffs name.Tuff did not say anything, his mind decieded that he had said enough for today and that it was time to cry again, but he reached out with his heand to touch Fishlegs hand to show him that he was thankful for his words. Fishlegs sat down and pulled both Tuff and Snotlout into a hug.A few days ago Snotlout would have protested but now he felt like he needed a hug like this. A hug were he could hide his face into Fishlegs chest so he would not have to show his tears.Tuff needed this hug aswell.Ruffs dead corpse began to appear in his mind again and loud sobbs let his body shake but holding onto Fishlegs reminded him that he wasn't alone.He had four friends that cared about and loved him.This fact did not make his grief and his guilt better but it atleast reasured him that he wouldn't have to go through this alone.

Hiccup and Astrid watched their friends happy that they found comfort in each other. Astrid knew that they were safe now and that she could finaly grief for Ruff aswell.She joined the hug by wrapping her arms around Tuff from the side.She did not sobb loudly like the three boys but there were tears visible in her eyes and soon they were streaming down her cheeks.

Hiccup wasnt sure if he had the right to comfort Tuff.He wanted to because he knew Ruff would want him to but the fact that she died because of him made him unsure.He was sure now that Viggo had killed Ruff because she did not give him the information he wanted.Her loyalty to Hiccup was what killed her.How could he comfort Tuff while knowing that he was the inderect reason for the death of Tuffs sister.He looked to Ruffs body who was barely regognizable in the darkness.He knew already that he would never forgive himself for her death.Suddenly he felt guilty for thinking about his own feelings again and comepletly ignoring Tuff maybe he was responsible for Ruffs death but Tuff was his best friend.He probably blamed himself just as much as Hiccup and he knew how terrible it felt to blame himself.He forced his eyes away from Ruff and walked to his friends who were still hugging.He wrapped his arms around Tuff and Snotlout from behind putting his head on Tuffs shoulders his guilt finaly breaking out of him in the form of tears and then sobbs.

The riders sat there for a long time. Each of them thinking about different things while holding each other and hoping that the events of last night would soon stopp flashing through their minds.

  


  


  



	2. Children of Berk pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The riders arrive on Berk where Tuff has to face his parents and Astrid realizes something about her relationship with the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I decieded to split this chapter into two parts because I think otherwise it would be too long.  
> I hope you like it and you are able to give me some of your thoughts <3,  
> I also would appreciate it if some of you could give me a feedback on my writing style so that I know what I can improove!

It was a peaceful morning on Berk. The sky was a bright blue and there were no clouds to be seen.

Stoick was the last one to sit in the great hall together with Gobber and for the first time in weeks he felt actually happy.

The war with Viggo had cost Berk a lot, its gold, its trading ways and Stoick's nerves.

But now that they had their gold back and they were able to get reserves from the traders again Berk finally seemed to go back to its old form.

The amount of food his people and he had eaten in the last days was more than they usually ate in three months.

Stoick loved to see his people so happy again after weeks of misery and despair.

The only thing that kept Stoick's happiness at bay was the absence of his son.

He missed Hiccup a lot and the fact that he was probably still fighting Viggo was not helping.

"I wonder what the lads are doing right now. It's only been two weeks since they brought us our gold back and it already feels like years."

Gobber put Stoick's thoughts into words and Stoick had to grin at the memory of the gleaming faces of his son and his friends as they landed with large boxes between their dragons' claws which contained Berk's gold.

"Yes it does indeed. I hope this whole dragon hunter thing is over soon and Hiccup will come back. You know sometimes I even regret letting him fly out there."

Stoick hadn't planned on saying the last part but it slipped out before he could stop it.

He knew that Gobber would never judge him for anything but Stoick still felt guilty saying those words. He knew how much Hiccup loved to explore and find new dragons and if that made him happy Stoick did not want to keep that from him. But there were evenings when he would sit alone in his house and stare at the other side of the table missing the conversations with his son and even the sass that Hiccup often used.

"You know that wouldn't have worked, Stoick! Hiccup has not inherited much of you but the one thing he got from you is his stubborness." Gobber responded amused and then countinued in a more serious voice: "Im sure they are fine and will be back soon.They are like Hiccup; a stubborn group - and I bet Viggo already regrets messing with them."

Stoick was glad for the reassurance of his friend but there was still a little part of him that worried. Worried that Viggo had captured Hiccup or worse and that he would never see him again. He could tell that the parents of Hiccup's friends worried about their children too.

Spitelout and Bitur were constantly talking about how their children would bring honor to the Jorgenson's and Thorston's families and Fjönir Hofferson always said that if someone dared to lay a hand on his daughter they would end up losing said hand, also the second and their head.

But mothers' hearts are often more sensitive than fathers' and so Stoick often saw Demba, Shellnut and Druna standing at the harbor or the village center together with Fishlegs' mother Fögür as if they expected their children to be back at any moment.

"You are right Gobber, I should stop worrying. It's not like it will change anything," Stoick finally responded and tried to ignore the doubts in the back of his mind. Maybe he should write Hiccup a letter again. He hadn't done that in a long time because he did not want to bother his son with his worries.

But now he felt the desire to do it again. Stoick opened his mouth to tell Gobber about his idea but in that moment the doors of the great hall were pushed open.

Stoick immediately knew that something was wrong. He had never seen Fjönir looking so devastated and afraid. "Stoick your son-"

He did not get to finish because a heartbreaking scream suddenly split the world in half and it was so full of pain and agony. It was a scream that Stoick had often heard after the dragonraids, when mothers had found their dead children.

The way to the harbour somehow felt longer this time even though Stoick ran as fast as he could. He did not ask Fjönir what had happened or Gobber to come with him. The only thing he could think about was which one of the riders had been the cause of that scream.

Stoick had tried to prepare himself for anything but the image that presented itself in front of him made all efforts of preparation useless: The dragonriders were gathered in a circle, the dragons a few feet away from them as if they did not want to disturb them.

There was a look of pure devastation in the riders' eyes.

Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout barely reacted to the hugs and soft words their mothers were speaking to them. Hiccup was sitting next to them, but he seemed just as broken as the others.

Their eyes were fixated on the middle of the circle.

Stoick careful got closer and Astrid and Fishlegs immidiately made room, so that he could see what they were seeing.

He wished he hadn't looked.He wished he could wake up from this nightmare that just couldn't be true. But deep in his heart Stoick knew that it was no dream.

His mind would never create a reality were the twins' mother was crying over the bloodied corpse of her daughter while her son was desperately holding her, sobbing just as much as she did.

Tuff hated himself.

That was the only thing he could think about while holding onto his mother.

He hated how her body was shaking from sobs and how heartbreaking her scream had been.

His mother had been the only person to truly understand him besides Ruff.

He wanted her to be happy, but instead he had let her daughter and his sister alone in a base full of hunters.

Last night when he had been held by his friends he had almost managed to convince himself that there was no one to blame for Ruff's death, except Viggo.

He had stabbed his sword through her throat, leaving a big gash that must have killed her instantly.

But as he was listening to his mother's cries he could only think about how he left Ruff to find his mace and how his last words to her had been so unfriendly.

A big comforting hand was suddenly laid on his shoulder, but Tuff did not react.

He only wanted to look at his mother.

"Son....I...Im so sorry....who...who did this?"

Tuffs mind was overwhelmed by this question. He knew that Stoick obviously needed to know who killed one of his people but his mind was still fighting on blaming himself or Viggo. "Viggo...he ..he killed her." Snotlout spat Viggo's name out like it was an insult.

Tuff could hear the shocked gasps of the women and Stoick's gently hand on his shoulder became an iron grasp.

He was glad that Snotlout did not blame him but Tuff knew that other people would.

People like his father.

There were voices coming closer now. Berkians who had followed their daily activities and who only now realized that something was wrong.

Tuff buried his face at his mothers shoulder, afraid of what they would say.

His mother stopped sobbing for a moment and Tuff though that she would say something but then her eyes seemed to fall on Ruff again because her sobbing continued.

  
  


"I will explain everything, Tuffnut, don't worry." The chiefs voice was calm but Tuff could hear the fury that was hidden under it.

Tuff never really thought about it but Stoick had watched them all grow up since they had been babies.

Stoick loved his friends and him just as much as Hiccup. Tuff asked himself if Ruff's death felt to Stoick as if he had lost his own child. More guilt made his heart ache.

"Shellnut?! What.. what happened?!" Tuff winced when he heard his father's voice.

Stoick let go of his shoulder and Tuff felt the urge to tell him to put it back again.

"Bitur your daughter-"

"NO ! No..she is not... she can't..." His father stopped in the middle of the sentence and Tuff looked up when his father sat down next to him.

There were no tears in his father's grey eyes. Of course for his father crying was a sign of weakness. There was only a mixture of shock and rage on his face that Tuff hoped was not aimed at him.

His father made no efforts to comfort him or his mother.

Instead he gently laid his hand on Ruff's cheek and then began to stroke her hair as if to calm himself.

Tuff hated to look at his sister's body but the sight of his father showing his love for her physically somehow hypnotized him.

It was the first time that Tuff saw his father being gentle and loving.

Usually he was either harsh or dissapointed and even Ruff who he had often praized had to listen to long lectures as to how she should be more like that "Hofferson girl".

To see him like this showed Tuff how much he had really loved Ruff and he suddenly felt empathy for this man that he had feared and respected all of his life. Tuff wondered if his father would be just as loving,if it was his corpse lying in front of him, but he supressed that thought.

He did not want to know the answer.

"How could you let this happen?! How could you let her die?" The feeling of empathy was quickly replaced by fear as Tuff heard those words. His father however did not look at him like Tuff had expected. He was glaring at the riders who were still sitting around them in a loose circle.

"We... we werent there ...when ..." Fishlegs tried to mumble an explanation but his face suddenly became pale and he began to tremble.

Tuff could not blame him. The memories of last night threatened to crush down on him too.

"Bitur please! Our children clearly have witnessed something horrible. It isn't doing anyone any good if you make them relive that."

Fishlegs' mother was a small and shy woman who never said much but now her voice was strong and full of reason.

Tuff was thankful for her words but his father only got more furious at them.

"My daughter is dead, Fögür! I don't care if your children are upset! They obviously did not care about my daughter so why should I care about them!

I have every right to know why they are alive while she is dead!"

The words were hanging in the air like thick clouds.

The adult vikings looked at each other uncomfortably as if they were unsure as how to deal with this situation. The three mothers had an expression of disbelief in their eyes because they understood how close their children had been with their friends.

Fishlegs and Snotlout had a look of confusion and shock on their faces.

Snotlout had been the twins' closest friend and even if Fishlegs sometimes had scolded them he had loved them.

The accusation that they never cared for Ruff almost seemed silly to them but also made them wonder what made Ruff's father think that.

Astrid's and Hiccup's short glances of guilt went unnoticed by anyone but them.

Astrid had always loved everyone of her friends like siblings but the accusation that was thrown at her made her realize that she had rarely shown any of that love towards her youngest friends and especially Ruff.

She thought that Hiccup felt guilty for the same reason but the truth was that Hiccup's guilt came from something entirely different.

It was the question why he had survived a war he had started while one of his best friends that had only fought at his side because he had dragged her into it was dead.

Tuff had often been on the other end of his father's rage and his words had made him cry more than once but none of those had been as painful as these ones.

He knew that they were nonsense. His friends had loved Ruff and if any of them would have gotten the chanche they would have saved her or even given their own lifes away for her. He had to admit that the question if his friends really liked Ruff and him had often crossed his mind in the last few years and one thing he had feared would happen after Ruff's death was that his friends would begin to hate him, but last night had proved him that his friends really did love him.

They hadn't punished him with yells and disgust because he had gotten Ruff killed.

They had comforted him and told him that they would support him no matter what. That was why his father's words hurt him so much because he was angry at the people who loved Tuff the most for something that Tuff had messed up. He was scared of doing this but he knew that this was the only way. His father had to know that no one was to blame for Ruffs death other than him. He looked at his mother for a quick moment and she looked at him with big watery blue eyes.

She had stopped sobbing but her gaze was distant as if she had forgotten where she was.

Tuff took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for his confession.

"She is dead because of me.. I sent her and Tuff to the hunter base to find out what their next plan is...I...tried to save Ruff...I really did but...I couldn't...so if you have to blame anyone...blame me." Hiccup's sorrowful voice was faster than Tuff's.

Tuff needed a few seconds to process Hiccup's words and then he got angry.

Why was Hiccup lying for him? He and Hiccup both knew very well that Hiccup would never have put them in danger like that, and that Ruff and he had actually landed in Viggo's base by defying his orders so why was he lying?

Tuff guessed that Hiccup wanted to protect him and that made him feel even worse.

He did not want to be protected. He deserved to suffer for Ruff's death.

He was so deep in thought that he did not hear the Berkians' whispers or saw the look of surprise the riders shared with Hiccup.

"This is nonsense! It doesn't matter how or why Ruffnut died! I know you are sad and confused, Bitur, but you shouldn't press answers out of her closest friends and her brother! They have suffered enough and your accusations aren't helping. You should care for your wife and son now until...until we burn her boat." Gobbers voice was close to Tuff and so he could hear the man's agony that he clearly tried to hide. If this had been a dream Tuff would have laughed about Gobber's demands towards his father.

His father would probaly not even care for him if he died. But the fear that Gobbers last words ignited in him distracted him. Ruff would be burned. She would be sent away in a small boat and Tuff would never see her again. The thought alone was unbearable. Sure, he could always keep memories of her but that wasn't the same as seeing her smile in reality.

He would have begun to cry but in that moment Stoick made everything worse. "Bitur, you can carry her to your house. Druna and Förgür you go with him... you know what to do."

His father stood up and took Ruff onto his arms and his mother began to make sounds that sounded like screams mixed with cries.Tuff felt her nails digging painfully into his skin and in the next moment she had wrapped her arms around him.

Tuff wondered why she wasn't following his father but he figured that she was in too much shock to walk. He felt weak himself and following his father to see some of the women prepare his sister for the event that would seperate them forever wasn't really something he felt like doing.

So he stayed in his mothers embrace, the riders soon joining them, laying their hands on Tuff's back and shoulders to let him know that they were there.

Tuff's dragon decided that he had waited long enough.

He carefully laid his large body around them, touching Tuff carefully with his long neck .It was an attempt to comfort Tuff and to comfort himself.

Tuff felt safe in his mother's arms. They were both crying and he hated that she was crying, but being held by her still made him feel safe. It reminded him of other times, when she had hugged him: When his and Ruff's father had been fighting in the dragon raids or when he had gotten into a fight with his father. Some of those memories were painful but they were better than those from last night, so he used them as a way to escape. Everytime Ruff's empty eyes appeared in his thoughts, he tried to remember how she had looked at him softly whenever he asked her if he could sleep in her bed for the night.

The cold feeling of her corpse got replaced by the memory of her warm body when he had snuggled against her when they were kids. He needed those memories because he knew that if he let the ones of her dead body take the upperhand he would go insane.

His friends' presence was helping too. Snotlout and Astrid would say comforting words a few times like: "It's okay Tuff, just let it out," and "we are here. we wont leave you."

Tuff had no idea that Astrid could be so comforting and the deep guilt in her voice confused him but he still liked that she seemed to care about him.

Hiccup and Fishlegs did not say anything but sometimes comfort does not need to be voiced. Tuff was still angry at Hiccup for taking the blame Tuff deserved but he did not want to argue with his friend now.

Tuff had no idea how much time had passed until Stoick came to them together with Gothi.

The chief probably wanted them to be checked for injuries, even though none of them showed signs of physical damage.

Tuff heard his friends telling her that they were fine while still holding on to him.

He was glad that they did not let go.

When Gothi gently touched him to move him away from his mother, Tuff followed her command reluctantly.

The others still held him and she did not protest.

There were still some people standing around them - mostly men, but also women, who were still whispering things to each other.

There were no children present of course. No child should have to see the heroic dragonriders like this. Tuff hated the peoples' looks of pity.

He noticed Barf and Belch laying next to him and he felt guilty for not comforting him. When he stretched out his hand to touch his dragon Snotlout's voice said with sorrow: "I wonder what is going on in that dragon's head."

Tuff knew the answer and it made him stroke over his dragon's scales.

"You should go home son." Stoick's suggestion broke the peace Tuff had felt for a moment. He did not want to go home where his father was waiting with his dead sister.

It wasn't even a real home to him now without Ruff.

He suddenly asked himself why his father hadn't come back to comfort them.

Probably because he saw no reason to. His father had always only cared about his own feelings and Ruffnut.

Tuff felt a spark of anger as he remembered his fathers words.

Yes, maybe his friends sometimes hadn't been nice to Ruff but at least they hadn't pretended to just use her as an excuse to threat other people like shit.

He went back to his mother again his friends at his side.

He embraced her again knowing that soon they would have to seperate again.

"He is right Tuff, I know it is going to be hard but...maybe it is going to help if you are at home and....see Ruff again before..." Astrid stopped herself but did not let go of his hand that she had begun to hold.

Tuff looked at her and saw that her blue eyes were shimmering weirdly.

He would have assumed that it had been tears but there was no way Astrid would cry, especially in front of half of Berk. But he knew that she was right.

They couldn't sit here forever, especially his mother who needed to be put in a warm bed.

There also was a part in him that wanted to see Ruff again.

Looking at her was horrible for him but the thought of not seeing her until she got burned was too.

He sighed feeling panic slowly rising in him and then asked after a while: "Can you guys come with me?"

Fishlegs responded with a laugh and a sob: "Of course, Tuff! And we will only go away if you tell us to."

Tuff once again felt moved by his friends' comfort but realized that there was a problem. "My dad..-"

"Your dad has no reason to be angry at us so if he tries to tell me to leave I'm just not going to." There was some of Snotlout's old defiance in his voice and that made it clear to Tuff that arguing with his friends was pointless.

He slowly let go of his mother and got up with the help of Astrid and Snotlout.

His mother did not react to Fishlegs gentle hands touching her but she still got up with his help.

Gobber apparently had returned too take their dragons to the stables, so they could rest.

Tuff's dragon roared sadly and Tuff forced a reassuring smile towards him.

They passed the Berkians and Tuff ignored their looks of empathy.

It was the first time they did not look disgusted towards him and that was why he hated how they suddenly seemed to care.

The next hours weren't as bad as Tuff had feared.

His father glared at his friends when they arrived at the Thorstons' house but the women who had laid Ruff on the small table were sitting next to him so he luckily did not say anything.

Seeing Ruff again was hard even though her bloodied tunic had been removed and she had her eyes closed like she was sleeping.

He just couldn't stand seeing her so silent, it woke the urge in him to try and wake her up even though that would not work.

He couldn't bring himself to join his mother who shakily sat down next to Astrid's mother and so his friends gently moved him into the small bedroom that was now his.

But talking to his friends somehow made things a bit better.

They talked about simple things like the weather at first.

No word about his father or Ruff and Tuff knew that they did this to distract themselves and him from the horrible night they had witnessed and the horrible days that were to come.

He was glad that they gave him an opportunity to escape.

After a while the simple talks somehow turned into talks about their childhood.

They tried not to mention Ruff but maybe they felt a desire to talk about her because they suddenly did.

Tuff did not mind it, he infact enjoyed thinking about better days.

Days that had been far away from his twin's death.

Astrid wasn't sure if she liked talking about her childhood with the twins.

It just seemed to make her guilt worse.

"Do you remember how Tuff, Ruff and I stole your axe and you only found it by catching them as they were burying it?" Snotlout asked Astrid but his eyes were focused on Tuff to see how he reacted to Ruff's name.

Astrid forced a smile. Yes, she still remembered that. It was the first of many times that she had yelled at the twins.

"Yeah I do. I literally went crazy when I couldn't find it. Whose idea was it again?" She hoped that they would talk about something else soon.

"It was mine... I just wanted to drive you a little bit insane because I thought it would be funny. Well, it wasn't so funny anymore when you were yelling at us." Tuff said and he felt a spark of amusement as he heard five year old Astrid yelling at him and Ruff how they weren't real viking warriors and that they would never reach valhalla.

Back then those words had been very hurtful and they had let him and Ruff wanting to prove her wrong, but now he knew that Astrid had never meant those words.

She always said mean things when she was furious.

Astrid bit her lip as waves of her guilt started to spread through her. She also could remember her yelling and she suddenly hated herself for every word that she had said. Sure, the axe had been her uncles gift, and it had only been a year since he died but telling someone that they wouldn't reach valhalla just because of a stupid prank now seemed silly to her.

She often had felt annoyed and frustrated by the twins, even on the edge, but now she wished she would have kept that frustration to herself.

She asked herself if Ruff had thought about her before she died, and if her last thought had been a beg that Astrid would now take care of Tuff even though Astrid had not cared for them.

If only Ruff had known that Astrid had loved her.

"Good, that I was never involved in those pranks. I still don't get how you weren't scared of going into a forest on your own during a war with dragons." Astrid was ripped out of her thoughts by Fishlegs courious question.

She did not notice Tuff and Hiccup looking at her slightly worried.

Tuff felt uncomfortable when he saw her eyes shimmering with what had to be tears.

He hated it when Astrid cried, he just had no idea how to deal with that.

"Staying in the village was just too boring for me, Snotlout and Ruff. We wanted to have a little bit of fun before whe had to become brutal dragonkillers, eventhough many people tried to tell us that this behaviour was wrong." Tuff's words had been meant for his father who had often said how playing in the forest was to childish for warriors to do.

But Astrid felt those words burning the last wall that she had built to keep her guilt inside.

"Im so sorry." She simply said and hated how weak her voice sounded. Her friends looked at her in confusion and Tuff still hoped that she wouldn't do what she looked like she was close to doing.

"For what Astrid?" Hiccup gently asked and laid a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

Astrid did not want to answer.

It would just make Tuff upset again.

She needed to be strong so he could lean on her for support, but her mind apparently did not care about that.

"For how I treated you... and Ruff... you never deserved anything I said to you but I said it. I...always loved you like you were my little siblings, but instead of showing you that I was rude and now... Ruff will never know how much she meant to me."

Tuff had already learned that Astrid loved him and Ruff but to hear it out of her mouth was still a shock for him.

Astrid rarely showed signs of being hurt and Tuff had thought that last night would be the only time that she would allow herself to be vulnerable.

But now she was trembling again and few tears were escaping her eyes, giving Tuff the urge to cry as well.

He hated it when people he viewed as strong were crying because he wanted them to be better, stronger than him, he did not want them to be weak like he often thought he was himself.

The fact that she cried for Ruff and him so much moved him a bit because it proved his father wrong, but that did not mean that he liked to see her like this.

"Ruff knew that you loved her." Tuff said softly, feeling a bit guilty for spilling out his sisters secret, but knowing that Astrid deserved to know.

Astrid looked up to him and her eyes were full of disbelief. The others were silent, all wanting to say similar things, but none of them had known Ruff as well as Tuff had, so they knew that only he could tell Astrid the truth.

"Really? How?" Astrid asked, not convinced of what Tuff had said.

"She always wanted to be like you when we were young. She admired how strong and beautiful you are and how all of Berk have always respected you. She wanted to be like that and she hated that she couldn't be. But on the edge we both learned that you loved us. You treated us so respectfully after you and I took back the edge together and Ruff noticed that too.

She even told me once how happy she was that you were finally getting closer and that she felt accepted by you." Tuff had no idea how he managed to say all that but he did.

Perhaps his wish to make Astrid feel better had broken the deep heartache that he had felt for a moment.

He felt terrible because he felt that each of his friends was having such thoughts and they all tried to hide it just for him.

He felt like he did not deserve them doing so much for him and that was why he wanted Astrid to feel better.

Astrid did not know what she felt.

Hearing that Ruff had felt accepted by her should have made her happy but it somehow made her feel angry. If they both had loved each other then why didn't they spend more time together? Why had Astrid often started a fight with the girl that apparently had admired her?

If Ruff would be still alive Astrid would have immediately apologized to her and they maybe would have finally become closer but she was dead.

"Ruff was never the kind of person who liked to share her feelings, so even if you had tried to get closer to her it wouldn't have worked." Snotlout said with a voice that seemed to be too soft to be his,"I spent more time with her than anyone else here besides Tuff and she barely ever said anything nice to me. But I knew that I was important to her because it was her who always asked what was wrong when I was upset because of my dad."

Astrid knew that Snotlout had a point. Ruff hadn't been a person that was open about her feelings but Astrid thought that as her best friend she should have been able to overcome Ruff's inner barrier.She had the same one after all.

Tuff felt a mixture of sadness and strange happiness overcoming him.

He liked the way his friends were talking about Ruff.

How they understood and loved her something that Ruff had often admitted to him she doubted.

He just wished that she would be alive to hear all of this.

"Yes you are right Snotlout. I never would have thought that we meant so much to her... I mean I never would have thought that... -" Hiccup, whose voice sounded beyond guilty, stopped but they all knew how his sentence would have ended.

"She would die for us."Tuff felt his stomach turn to ice. He had thought about that she had died whole the time, but he never actually thought about why she died.

His sister dying for her friends and him seemed like a thing she would do.

She probably had taunted Viggo and played dumb which was one of their favourite strategies to get out of a situation that they did not like.

He could read in his friends faces that they were thinking the same but he asked himself if in their thoughts Ruff had died alone or with him at her side.

The thought was even more horrible because now his friends were probably imagining him being bravely at her side while in reality it had been the complete opposite.

He once again felt the desire to tell them what he had done and especially Hiccup that he shouldn't have taken the blame on him.

Astrid's and Fishlegs' mothers appeared at the open door, their expressions tired and regretful.

"I'm sorry that we have to interrupt you, but I think it would be the best if you let Tuff mourn with his family now. It is getting late and you all need to rest." Druna had the same mixture of softness and sterness in her voice that Tuff had so often heard from Astrid.

He felt uncomfortable at the thought of his friends leaving and he almost wanted to protest by saying that the riders were his family too, but he knew that it would be pointless.

He could see the sun sinking from his small window and he also knew that these women just wanted their children to be close to them so they would not have to fear losing them too.

"But we want to support them. Ruff was our friend!" Fishlegs said in determination and his mother gave a deep sigh.

"I know sweetheart, but they are stressed enough right now and having four more people in this house will only make it worse."

Tuff knew that this was only half of the truth. His father probably had made up this excuse to keep Tuff's friends away from Tuff for at least the night. Tuff had no idea if this punishment was meant for him or the riders but it hurt either way.

Knowing that there was no way of arguing, the riders made their way to the kitchen.

They all stroked Tuff's back or his hands because they knew how hard the night would be for him and them.

Tuff's mother was still crying.

She was leaning onto his father who looked up when they entered.

His grey eyes were full of anger and Tuff felt the urge to back away from him.

"Good to see you again, Tuffnut, I almost thought that you viewed us as less important than the person who let your sister die!"

Tuff had expected such hateful words but they still stung.

The words were clearly directed at Hiccup who lowered his head as if he was ashamed.

"Hiccup did not-," Fishlegs attempt to protect his friend was quickly cut off.

"Spare me with your excuses, just leave my house now!" The tone of his father's voice was now dangerously calm, like always when he was close to snapping.

Tuff had often heard that tone. He looked at his friends and saw sadness, guilt and anger in their eyes.

Fögür and Bruna had similar expressions but they still took their children gently by the hand as if they wanted to move them out of here.

Tuff wanted to stand up for his friends. He knew how unfair his father's behaviour was. But the fear of his father's rage being aimed at him forced him to keep his mouth shut.

"We were just leaving, Bitur, dont worry. But I would like to say that your accusations towards these children are completly nonsensical. They have done nothing wrong and I hope that you will realize that soon."

Drunas voice was soft but Tuff again recognized her body language as the same Astrid always had when she had told him that maybe he should to some chores on the edge too.

She stood upright, her now free hands clenched to fists as if she was ready to start a fight, if her orders weren't followed.

Tuff's father looked like he wanted to say something for a moment but then his eyes got stuck on Ruff and he remained silent.

"Well, good night, I guess." Said Fishlegs hugging Tuff tightly before he went to follow his mother outside.

Tuff felt his heart starting to race as Hiccup too said goodbye with a pat on the shoulder.

Astrid stood at the door for a while looking at him then Ruff.

"See you tomorrow Tuff." She quickly said, her voice trembling slightly. Then she was gone, her mother behind her was softly telling her something that Tuff was unable to hear.

Snotlout was the last one but he stood still as if his mind did not want him to leave.T uff did not want him to be gone either. He wanted to comfort his mother but he also knew that this time she would be unable to defend him against his father. Tuff did not want to mourn his sister while his father kept reminding him that all of this was his and his friends fault.

"Alright then-"

"No! No Snotlout, please don't leave!" Tuff thought that his beg was silly.

He wanted to keep his friend here were he would be alwas reminded that another one of his friends was dead plus his father would never allow it.

He shakily turned towards his parents knowing that he was about to mark his death sentence."Dad, can Snotlout stay please...I know that you are angry but he is my best friend and was Ruff's." Tuff nervously looked at Snotlout who usually would have demanded loudly that Tuff was right, but instead he gave Tuff a sympathetic smile.

He wanted to stay with Tuff too but he knew from experience that saying too many things to your dad when you begged him for something could make his anger even worse and so he waited.

"Alright. He had been just as used by the chief's son as you and Ruff have been, so I don't have a problem with him but he is not sleeping in Ruff's bed!"

Tuff's and Snotlout's relief got a little bit dimmed as they heard another blame at Hiccup once again. They both felt the urge to yell at this nonsense and tell Tuff's father that Hiccup had very often saved and supported them, but they both knew that it was pointless.

  
  


Tuff had sometimes told his father that something he said wasn't right but his father always told him that Tuff just didn't understand him.

"Of course not. I don't think Tuff or I will sleep anyway." Snotlout simply said and Tuff was happy that he did not start an argument.

"Thanks." Tuff almost whispered and Snotlout pressed his hand in comfort.

  
  


Tuff held Snotlout's hand for a moment then he sat next to his mother who rose from his father's chest and softly stroked Tuff's hair, still not saying anything.

Tuff laid his head on her chest and Snotlout sat next to him carefully touching both of their sides as if he wanted to hug them but also not disturb them.

  
  


Outside Hiccup paced ways with Fishlegs and Astrid saying that his dad probably wanted to know details of what happened.

Astrid and Fishlegs could hear that there were hidden sobs in his voice and their mothers told him that Ruff's death was not his fault and that her father was just mourning.

  
  


Hiccup thanked them all and quickly left telling his friends who wanted to go with him that they needed rest.

Astrid was tempted to aks him if he really thought they would rest after all that but she did not.

They were all not surprised that Snotlout had stayed with Tuff, knowing that he had been very close with the twins.

Fishlegs told his mother that he needed to check the stable to see how the dragons were doing and she gave her okay with a sigh, knowing how much her son loved the creautures.

Astrid quickly said that she would go with him because she hated the thought of sitting in her room asking herself what her friends were doing.

When they walked into the stables Astrid saw Barf and Belch laying at the center of the stable surrounded by the other dragons who comforted them.

As if by an impulse she went up to the twins' dragon, shortly brushing her hand over Stormfly's head as she passed her.

She gently stroked the zippelback's head and suddenly she felt like crying again.

"Astrid are you alright?" Fishlegs asked softly and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah...I just wished that...she would be still alive." Something happened to her body that Astrid had never thought her body was able to do: She sunk to the ground and begann to sob.

Fishlegs quickly pulled her in a comforting hug and said, now crying, as well: "I do too Astrid. I do too."

None of them slept that night as they were all crying while thinking about Ruff and what could have been if she had lived.

But none of them knew of the dark thoughts that went through Hiccups mind as he lay awake in his bed with only his dragon being with him.Each one of them broke his heart and when the sun was rising his eyes were wet with tears from the realization he had:Ruffnut did not deserve to die for someone like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again :D, I just wanted to say that I dont know when I will be able to write the next chapter because I have a lot of school stress at the moment. I hope you can have a patience with me <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought about this story <3


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